like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize