I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
