I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
