i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize