hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
