i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
