somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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