Where is the hickey?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
