Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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