this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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