Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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