my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
