someone threw a dead crab at me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
