tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
