She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
