Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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