Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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