I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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