Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
