I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
