Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
