The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
