So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
