Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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