So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
