Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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