32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
