what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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