I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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