So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
