whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
