I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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