At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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