I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
