Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
