Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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