I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
