I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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