You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
