okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
