I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
