These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
