That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
