So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
