She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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