im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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