You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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