On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
