Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
