You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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