I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
