I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
