i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize