Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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