allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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