Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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