I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
