remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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