The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
