Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
