This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
