Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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