Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
