i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize