I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
In America we eat man semen.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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