Betty ford says i'm here all night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
