tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize