omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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