So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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