I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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